her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
