I'm jealous of your bromance
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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