I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
