i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
