I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
