and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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