So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
