to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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