Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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