She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
