Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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