Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
