this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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