i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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