it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
