You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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