Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
