I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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