Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
