i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
40s are totally the cure
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
