his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
