You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
