In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
