Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
