i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
