I'm jealous of your bromance
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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