the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
