I wish I only lived at night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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