hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
