ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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