The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
