My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
