we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
