What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
