I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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