you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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