Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
is it fun? or sober?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
