gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont even know how to be here
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
