is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
