I bet he comes in French.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
