If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i out mim tonsoeep
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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