I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
