dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
