i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
