Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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