I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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