Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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