apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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