When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
