He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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