We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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