You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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